A Commercial Break

Last week, I had the distinct pleasure of being confined to a house in the middle of the wilderness. For three days, I didn't turn on the TV, listen to the radio or drive by a billboard. No commercials, no magazines; just a good novel, my family and nature. At the end of it all, I was a happier man.

While on the plane back to L.A., I vowed to reproduce this feeling in my city life. Ten feet off the jetway, I was bombarded by billboards from Tommy Lasorda and Melissa Etheridge telling me how wonderful L.A. was; and the ads from McDonalds and Brookstone and that crappy-tasting pretzel place.

When I closed the door to Ruth's (sis-in-law, and a fine one at that for any of you single guys out there) car, I had some hope that the deluge would end. But the radio blared something about weight reduction as I read a billboard about sleeping soundly at night. In-and-Out tried to supesize me with a combo while a parking garage lured me with free stays and car washes.

By the time I got back home, the serenity and peace of time away was replaced with the clutter of time wasted.

I've vowed since then to try to introduce more of this back in. Screw radio, I've got my iPod. Screw TV, I've got my Tivo. Screw packaged food, I'll make it from scratch. And screw all of these people who are trying to sell me stuff I don't need.

There's a new paradigm in advertising: They call it "breaking through the clutter." There is so much pitching going on -- we are bombarded with so many ads and choices, from Internet pop-ups to urinal sanitizers -- that advertisers need to differentiate themselves to get in our heads. I have a few messages for them:

1) Don't try to sell me something. If I want it, I'll find you.
2) Just because you know where I live and how much money I make doesn't give you the right to barrage me with your senseless slogan-drool.
3) Don't get all quantitatively psychological on me, I'll buy your competitor's product (and even pay more for it).

So here's what I'm gonna do. Whenever I hear a commercial starting (or a DJ trying to sneak one in), I'm changin' the channel. When I see a billboard, I'm gonna look away. When I'm at the market and deciding what to eat, I'm gonna close my eyes and smell everything. I'm gonna get my wife to rip out all the adverts in my favorite magazines (except Playboy).

I feel better already.