The Future of Self Help

Last year, my local paper ran a story about Verizon coming to a community meeting to discuss their new fiber-optic lines and service. Basically, this is just a souped-up broadband line that can receive phone, TV, Internet and Video services. Sounds interesting, especially if you do this kind of stuff for a living.

So 9 months later, I decide to check inand see how things are going. This is the response I get.

"We are unable to check Fios availability and process orders due to a system error. Please try again later.

If this problem continues, please call your local Verizon business office to speak with a Verizon Online representative."

Well I've got to follow this one through, so I call. I'm drinking coffee and checking email at the same time, so I don't really mind the 25 minute wait -- and it's an 800 number. What I do mind is the occasional message from the chirpy on-hold lady that goes exactly like this:

"While you are waiting, let us suggest some self-help tips." No kidding. That's the message. Probably from some woman in Kansas who watches the Celebrity Shopping Network and eats Betty Crocker muffin mix in her spare time. Self-help? You mean like anger management?

I wonder if Verizon could benefit from a little self-help themselves -- something along the lines of customer support and actually delivering on the promises they make to the consumer. No wait, that wouldn't make sense in the modern world, would it?