Bad Use of Good English

So there I am exercising this afternoon in an effort to shed a few extra of the couch pounds I've acquired due to my Tivo and a large supply of nuts -- my iPOD ablare with an old Moby track (good for the motivation, you know) watching Princess Martha Stewart strut her PR-supported prissy felon/homemaker stuff for the cameras (diversions help pass the time, you know) when they cut to a commercial -- first an ad for Larry King Live, with -- oh wait, the most important figure in modern life today...Kofi Annan? The Pope? Bono? No, that would be Kirstie Alley, who after taking a few years off and memorizing the direct line to her local Dominos has now figured the only way she can pay for more food is to poke unending fun at her self in a new Showtime semi-scripted series (I thought Showtime was soft-porn...or was that Cinemax -- whichever, talk about counter programming -- the Christian Right should adopt her as their anti-masturbation mascot).

Forgive me, I digress. Anyway, then they run a nice family oriented teaser for, of all things, the imminent threat of DIRTY BOMBS

And that, got my thinking.

DIRTY BOMB. What a stupid term. I mean, have you ever heard of a CLEAN BOMB? Isn't the point anyway to make a really big mess? I don't care if it has to do with the efficiency of the nuclear reaction, when I think "clean", I think of the dude on the box.

So then that really got me thinking. You know, they have SMART BOMBS which our government likes to brag about (and drop) all the time. If these bombs are really so smart, you think they would have figured out a way to keep from blowing themselves up. Put that in your Howitzer.

Maybe as part of Martha's house-arrest she could work with the military to come up with new designs and names for our bombs -- maybe a NIFTY BOMB or a SUMMER SURPRISE -- Yeah, I like that a lot better than those stupid cupcakes she's always making; and the best part about it is Kirstie can't eat em.