What's With The Seat?
I don't mean this in a disgusting way when I say that, as a guy, I've had about 39 years of experience in peeing standing up. I merely point this out to put the subject of this post in context. Peeing upright is one of the hallmarks of being a man. It's right up their with smoking cigars, pull-my-finger, and NEVER asking for directions, no matter how lost you are. Granted, there are times when I pass on the glory and just sit down on the seat, but it's usually because I'm tired, have something unimportant to read, or just love the warming feature of my Toto.
My son is 4. He started his upright journey (as I'm sure many do) shooting like an Afghan at a wedding -- all willie-nillie, seat up, seat down, toilet, floor, wall, shower curtain -- you get the picture; and it isn't a pretty one.
"Modern parents" suggested throwing Cherrios in the tank as target practice, but I was worried he would reach in and eat one. He's becoming better now, even though, at 3' 4" tall, his unit ends up shooting parallel to the seat; yet somehow, someway, he gets that arc dialed in and all is dry in our happy home.
Which is more than I can say for most people.
Probably one of the worst feelings in life is sitting down on the toilet and noticing that somebody has neglected to raise the seat and, instead, peed all over it. It's even worse when it's not your seat and you don't know who was on it before. Doesn't matter if you use one of those toilet seat covers -- that just turns your butt into paper mache. And the whole feng-shui-design-within-reach-lifestyle mood lighting makes it nearly impossible to see whether or not your seat is safe. You've got to move around to see if you can catch the angle at which droplets reflect. But I digress.
Used to be that this would happen every once in a blue moon -- maybe in bathroom at a concert or in one of those public kiosks in London or at Miami's International Airport (right near the Nathan's stand). But more and more I'm seeing this everywhere. The momentum is gathering. In fancy restaurants and markets, art galleries and bakeries. Either public bathrooms are becoming populated by sub 3' tall people who are rebelling against the Cheerio method, or our country has become so lazy, selfish or angry at each other that they can't even raise the seat. You cut me off on the 405, I'm going to pee on the seat. You asked for a latte and got a mochachado, pee on the seat. Your out of cigarettes, splash away.
Actually, I really don't care why people do it. It doesn't really matter. What does matter is that it has to stop...now...for the good of humanity. War, recession, hurricanes, these things are all fine, but ths toilet seat thing is what is really going to fuck us and put our democracy on the end of a boot in China or India. At least in Rome they had elaborate plumbing and outdoor bathrooms, so you could see whether or not someone was going to ruin your day. Here, it's like "surprise me."
My son is 4. He started his upright journey (as I'm sure many do) shooting like an Afghan at a wedding -- all willie-nillie, seat up, seat down, toilet, floor, wall, shower curtain -- you get the picture; and it isn't a pretty one.
"Modern parents" suggested throwing Cherrios in the tank as target practice, but I was worried he would reach in and eat one. He's becoming better now, even though, at 3' 4" tall, his unit ends up shooting parallel to the seat; yet somehow, someway, he gets that arc dialed in and all is dry in our happy home.
Which is more than I can say for most people.
Probably one of the worst feelings in life is sitting down on the toilet and noticing that somebody has neglected to raise the seat and, instead, peed all over it. It's even worse when it's not your seat and you don't know who was on it before. Doesn't matter if you use one of those toilet seat covers -- that just turns your butt into paper mache. And the whole feng-shui-design-within-reach-lifestyle mood lighting makes it nearly impossible to see whether or not your seat is safe. You've got to move around to see if you can catch the angle at which droplets reflect. But I digress.
Used to be that this would happen every once in a blue moon -- maybe in bathroom at a concert or in one of those public kiosks in London or at Miami's International Airport (right near the Nathan's stand). But more and more I'm seeing this everywhere. The momentum is gathering. In fancy restaurants and markets, art galleries and bakeries. Either public bathrooms are becoming populated by sub 3' tall people who are rebelling against the Cheerio method, or our country has become so lazy, selfish or angry at each other that they can't even raise the seat. You cut me off on the 405, I'm going to pee on the seat. You asked for a latte and got a mochachado, pee on the seat. Your out of cigarettes, splash away.
Actually, I really don't care why people do it. It doesn't really matter. What does matter is that it has to stop...now...for the good of humanity. War, recession, hurricanes, these things are all fine, but ths toilet seat thing is what is really going to fuck us and put our democracy on the end of a boot in China or India. At least in Rome they had elaborate plumbing and outdoor bathrooms, so you could see whether or not someone was going to ruin your day. Here, it's like "surprise me."
posted by Lou at 7:49 PM
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